Parkinality columnist Julie Walker’s A-Z of living with Parkinson’s: B is for buttons, beef, backwards and beer
Parkinality columnist Julie Walker, 57, of Bishop’s Stortford, writes about living with Parkinson’s disease. In the second part of her A to Zee of Parkinson’s disease, Julie focuses on the big, bold and bionic letter B.
BLOUSES, BUTTONS, BEADS, BANGLES, BUTTERFLY BACKS AND BAGS
Parkinson’s disease (PD) is many things. It is a pain in the neck (arms, back and face). It is a liability and it is debilitating. However, you might not be aware it is also a fashion stylist.
Over the years, PD has become involved in my sartorial style. Such as choosing to wear dresses with no fastenings and avoiding blouses with fiddly buttons.
Beads and bangles slip over my head and wrist, thus avoiding fiddly lobster clasps. Earrings are simply for display, not on either side of my head, but on my dressing table. Butterfly backs are just too fiddly.
I select a bag not because it is the latest “must-have tote”, but because it has easy access compartments for my brain controller, medication and, of course, my lippie and my fake Jaffa Cake (really).
Fortunately, PD does not influence my colour choices. Boring beige is just as likely to be bothersome as bright blue.
BEEF
Not content with being a fashion stylist, PD is also turning into a dietician. Have you ever been to Bertie’s Beef Steak and Beef Tomato Barbecue? Well, neither have I, because (as far as I know) it doesn’t exist. But if it did and I went, I would choose beef steak.
I would happily consume this meal, possibly showing off my cutlery dexterity prowess. Halfway through the meal, my alarm would sound for my next medication.
It wouldn’t be until after the meal, as I started to “switch off” (the PD term for medication stopping working) that I would remember that all food, particularly beef and other red meat, interferes with medication absorption (I’m not sure why either).
I should avoid taking tablets with food, but should leave about an hour between meds and meals.
BACKWARDS
Next time you are in one of the numerous coffee shops staring into space, please take a moment to observe the patrons. When they have finished their milky Americano, you might note that, after shuffling round the tables, they stride purposefully towards the door in a forward motion.
This is an automatic action. You will not find many people pausing and turning from side to side, deciding whether they are going to leave the establishment walking forwards or backwards.
I say “many people” because if I have a bad PD moment then I might attempt to walk backwards. This is sometimes easier than walking forwards (I don’t know why either).
Safety first - please recruit some customers to ensure your pathway is clear, or you could make a beeping noise if you prefer.
BAT AND BALL
Next time you see me and you happen to be holding a ball, please shout “oi, you” to alert me that you are about to throw the ball in my direction. Onlookers who are looking forward to seeing a bloodied nose will, hopefully, be disappointed as (most of the time) I will impress all around with my quick(ish) reflexes, hand shooting up as I “effortlessly” catch the ball.
As a general rule, people with PD have good hand-eye co-ordination and their catching and batting belies their bad dexterity (I don’t know why either).
BRINGING THE BEERS* BACK FROM THE BAR (*Please consult your consultant before partaking)
Ben’s Round
Grabbing hold of the door frame
Ben attempts to steady himself
Putting one foot in front of the other
grabbing hold of a shelf.
Pulling himself forward
moving all over the place
Launching himself at the bar
an odd look on his face.
The bar staff glance at each other
as Ben attempts to order a beer
He knows they are thinking;
“We’ve got a right one here.”
Staggering across the room
like a small boat out at sea
Muttering to the bouncers:
“Take your eyes off of me.”
Attempting a shadow punch
to wind the bouncers up
Looking like he’s dusting
rather than giving someone a thump.
Ben once carried a round
back from the bar for a laugh
By the time he reached the table
everyone ended up with half.
Ben would love to be still,
To simply sit
He'd love to enjoy a drink
rather than wearing most of it.
Flip, I should have included B for Brain, but it’s too late, I have run out of wor
