I've noticed a change in my relationship with food – or rather, the fact that I have one at all
I don't know if it goes with the 'weight loss programme' territory, but I'm starting to talk to my food. When I say 'my food', I mean my ex food.
I've split up from bread, biscuits, chips, pies etc and I'm in a new relationship with wholemeal tortilla wraps, sweet potatoes, spinach and overnight oats (or 'one-night stand' oats, if you prefer).
I'm into the fifth week of my 13-week mission to shed 10kg (22lb) under the supervision of MW Fitness at Wickham Hall, who have tailored a bespoke 'food, body and soul' plan for me under their Evolve programme.
So far I'm on track. At last Thursday morning's (August 22) weigh-in I tipped the scales at 90.1kg (14st 2.6lb), down almost 4kg (8.8lb) from my starting weight of 94kg (14st 11lb) on July 25. I need to lose 0.76923077 kg (1lb 11oz) a week, so in fact I'm slightly ahead of schedule.
Interestingly, I've noticed a change in my relationship with food – or rather, the fact that I have one at all.
This realisation was prompted by a discussion I had with a packet of biscuits in Thorley Park Sainsbury's. 'Discussion' might be over-egging the pudding – the conversation was entirely one-way.
There I was, standing in the biscuit aisle, explaining to a packet of Fox's Crunch Creams why, because of its calories and fat content, we couldn't be seen together any more (well, not for another couple of months anyway).
And then I noticed the packet of WeightWatchers biscuits beside them. Ginger and lemon – two of my favourite flavours. Sure enough, their calorie and fat content meant we could have a fling... perhaps even a case of love at first bite.
The odd thing about this episode (as well as the fact that I had been talking to a packet of biscuits) was the feeling of slight guilt I had as I walked away from the biscuit aisle with something other than Fox's Crunch Creams. A feeling of infidelity tantamount to changing your hairdresser (or personal trainer).
It was as if I was betraying myself.
Needless to say, the WeightWatchers biscuit liaison was nowhere near as satisfying as a session with Fox's finest, so I decided that if I couldn't Crunch a Cream then I wouldn't be seeing ANY other biscuit any time soon.
On another occasion, I found myself staring longingly at a large bag of Bombay Mix, an internal monologue playing along the lines of "Look, I can't take you home because once we start we'll never stop and I just won't be able to live with the guilt. Just be patient, give me time. I'm not ruling out us being together again, but right now I just can't..."
I don't have anywhere near that affinity with my new food companions (you just can't have a laugh with spinach), but I respect the role they are playing in shaping a leaner, fitter me.
Now, as my new dietary regime increasingly becomes the norm, I am able to walk up and down the aisles at Sainsbury's without stopping and conversing with the biscuits – much to the relief of the store staff.
What about cake, you say? Now that's a different matter. As I was telling my egg custard tarts only last night...
* This article was first published in the Bishop's Stortford Independent of August 28
* For details of MW Fitness's Evolve programme, and for a free consultation, call 01279 899836, email email@example.com or visit mwfitness.co.uk