Gracie Barlow and The Autistic Teen Girl’s School Survival Guide: UEA drama graduate and former Henham & Ugley Primary and Joyce Frankland Academy student’s book began as an A-level project

Author Gracie Barlow has turned her “dark moments growing up” into a critically acclaimed book for autistic teenage schoolgirls, written by “someone who gets it”.

The 21-year-old attended Henham and Ugley Primary School before moving to the Joyce Frankland Academy, Newport.

She is in her fourth and final year at the University of East Anglia, following a first-class degree in drama with an MA in scriptwriting.

She was brought up in Henham with parents Andrea and Jason and younger brother Willem, now 19. Her mum works as a therapist after she ditched journalism to get a master’s in child and adolescent psychology at Cambridge University. Her dad is a motoring writer and broadcaster.

The Autistic Teen Girl’s School Survival Guide began as an EPQ (Extended Project Qualification) A-level project. “They said write and research something you’re passionate about, so that’s exactly what I did, and I’m incredibly lucky that it’s become more than just a school project,” said Gracie.

Her exam submission was research-based and academic, and she spoke to professionals in the autistic field.

“I had so much encouragement from experts saying it was an essential read that I took a deep breath and sent it off to JKP, who very much celebrate books on lived experience, diversity and mental health,” she said. “Fortunately, they loved it and asked me to add more of my voice and experience.”

Gracie explained: “It sounds a bit cliché, but I think I always knew I was ‘different’. I almost think my autistic traits were more apparent when I was a child.

“I would have meltdowns a lot, which to a neurotypical person seemed like a spoiled child having a temper tantrum. I would struggle with certain sensory issues; I’d have to wear my socks inside out and would wear the same clothes over and over again to avoid things feeling ‘funny’.

“As I got older, I started ‘masking’ better and the feeling ‘different’ began to impact how I acted socially and how my peers would treat me.”

Gracie was not diagnosed until she was 15. She said: “It did and didn’t feel like a huge shock. I think my first feeling was relief, to know that there wasn’t anything wrong with me and I could finally breathe.

“I think my second feeling was sadness and the what-ifs. If I’d been diagnosed earlier, would my childhood and early teenage years have been different had I had the correct support?”

She is frank: “I had some really dark moments growing up. Both primary and secondary school was incredibly difficult for me.

“Trying to navigate friendships was mentally very taxing and I never felt like I fit in or could keep friends for the life of me.”

Puberty added a further dimension: “The jump from primary school to secondary school is bigger than you’d think. Suddenly, everyone is desperate to grow up and I felt like I had to work extra hard to fit into that status quo.

“The combination of intense hormonal changes and undiagnosed autism made for a lot of behind-closed-doors meltdowns and shutdowns. It was hellish at points.”

She felt let down by the NHS: “I was misdiagnosed with depression and anxiety, and it got to the point where I started refusing to go to school – this is actually what led to me finally getting my diagnosis.”

Her parents paid for a private consultation confirming her autism. That triggered help from the pastoral team at Joyce Frankland.

Gracie said: “I will always be grateful for the key workers who fought tirelessly and supported me unconditionally just to get me through school and my exams.”

She said her book was a handbook for those trying to navigate school life when challenged with “sensory overload, confusing social situations and the stress of masking which leaves you feeling lost and misunderstood”.

Gracie advises on learning, communicating and making friends “from an autistic person who has been there”.

She said: “It’s not just a guide for girls, but offers lots of real-life tips on how school and family can make small changes that allow you to thrive.”

Her advice to families is succinct: “Read, read and then read some more. Talk to others who are in a similar situation to grow your knowledge, and also know that you are not alone.

“Regulate yourselves before you try to regulate your offspring, because it can be stressful, and try to listen without trying to fix. Unconditional love can be hard, but it goes a long way.”

Her advice to other autistic girls is also simple: “Find your safe people, be it friends, family members or school staff. It’s so important to have others advocate for you, particularly if you’re struggling with social communication.

“And know that it will all be OK. With the right support in place and tweaks to your environment, you will shine.”

Gracie hoped her book would ease understanding. “I think the issue is how autistic women go so much more misdiagnosed etc,” she said.

“Because we mask so highly, we risk slipping under the radar. My diagnosis was considered early; a lot of autistic women don’t get diagnosed until late into their 30s, 40s etc.

“It’s important that there is more conversation around it. I think there is definitely still a stigma around what autism is ‘supposed to look like’.

“It’s classed as a disability, and I think if that term is used in a positive way then it can highlight the need for support.

“It’s a hidden disability, and the more people understand the challenges that come with that, the more they can consider how their actions can facilitate rather than block us.

“Difference is a good way of understanding how our brains are wired differently. It’s not wrong, just different.”